


Somersault and Spin

by voleuse



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-30
Updated: 2009-06-30
Packaged: 2017-10-04 02:11:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voleuse/pseuds/voleuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm alone again. Amen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Somersault and Spin

**Author's Note:**

> Set after 3.20. Title and summary adapted from _A Man in My Bed Like Cracker Crumbs_ by Sandra Cisneros.

Barney was in the hospital long enough that he lost track of time and kept count of money instead. (Not that his insurance didn't cover his stay, of course. The lesson learned: Never bet against an orderly on your lab results. Those bastards lied about creatinine levels every single time.) When they finally wheeled him out to a taxi stand, he had to use the average college student's hemline in order to assess the passing of seasons.

He slumped in the back of the cab and moaned. "Twelve weeks?"

The driver looked at him in the mirror, eyebrows raised.

"I have not had sex in twelve weeks," Barney bemoaned, punctuating his complaint with his address. "Not counting the twice-weekly sponge bath, of course."

The driver, very carefully, did not make skin contact when Barney paid him.

Barney did not have sex on the elevator ride up to his apartment, either. (The odds were seventy-thirty, but a man learns to seize opportunity when he may.) He rubbed his thumb against the cell phone in his pocket, but it didn't ring.

The apartment door creaked as he kicked it shut behind him. He slumped on the sofa, and his cell phone rang. He opened it without checking the caller ID. "Ted, my boy, I haven't had sex in twelve weeks," he announced. "Aside from the sponge baths, which only count Utah. Probably."

After a pause, Robin said, "I think you should buy me a beer."

Barney nodded and said, "Consider it done."


End file.
